3 Keys to Conscious Performance Reviews

By Jim Dethmer

Most people hate annual performance reviews. Many executives and managers doing the reviewing consider it to be burdensome, as evidenced by their procrastination. Those being reviewed are usually in a fear-based, adrenalized, reactive state so they don’t hear anything that is said except how their comp is going to be affected.

Daniel Pink nails two of the key problems with annual performance reviews in his article “Think Tank: Fix the workplace, not the workers”

“First, it’s annual. It’s hard to get better at something if you receive feedback on your performance just once a year. Think about Rafael Nadal. His job happens to be to hit tennis balls back and forth across a court. Now imagine if Nadal played tennis for an entire season – and got feedback on his performance only once a year in a 45-minute meeting with his boss. Absurd, right?

Second, performance reviews are rarely authentic conversations. More often, they are the West’s form of kabuki theatre – highly stylised rituals in which people recite predictable lines in a formulaic way and hope the experience ends very quickly.”

But, it appears annual performance reviews are here to stay, at least for a while. So if you’re going to do them here are some tips on how to do them consciously:

1.     Take 100% responsibility for how you as their manager co-created the situation.

Say you’re giving feedback to a teammate that they are routinely late for meetings, which interrupts the experience of the group. As part of your feedback, becoming curious about how you have co-created this experience might sound like this:

“Mary, I want to address your tardiness to meetings and appointments. I believe this is affecting how you are viewed by the team, by clients and by senior management. I would like you to face this pattern and deal with it. I also want to take 100% responsibility for how I have co-created this outcome. What I’m aware of is that I have never had a direct conversation with you to ask if you would be willing to commit to keeping your agreements around time. Expecting you to keep agreements without having an authentic conversation about my desires has partially set us up for this result. Also, I’ve kept this pattern going by not directly expressing my upset to you when it happens. Finally, I notice I’m not always impeccable about keeping my agreements; I want to recommit to that as I ask you to commit to keeping yours.”

2.     Separate fact from story when giving feedback.

Facts are what a video camera would have recorded. They are unarguable and indisputable.  Stories are what human beings make up about the world. Stories include beliefs, judgments and opinions. Great managers distinguish fact from story. They stipulate the facts and they hold their stories lightly. This means they drop their attachment to being right about their opinions and instead are interested in authentic dialogue.

If we stay with Mary and her tardiness to meetings the feedback would sound like this:

“Mary, the facts are that you agreed in our last team meeting to join us for our planning session on Tuesday at 9:00 a.m. The facts are also that our weekly review begins at 8:30 on Monday morning and you have shown up after 8:30 four of the last six Mondays.”

“The stories that I’m making up are that you don’t value our team meetings enough to prioritize them in your schedule. Also, I make up the story that you don’t create any buffer time in your schedule so you run at the razor’s edge and are often late for other appointments. Finally, my story is that living this way is causing you unnecessary stress and sapping energy that you could be using more creatively. I’m not attached to being right about my stories; I want to reveal them to you so we can have an authentic conversation and come to a shared agreement on how to proceed.”

3.     Be authentic.

Let’s go back to Pink’s point that most performance reviews are, “highly stylized rituals in which people recite predictable lines in a formulaic way.” Or said another way, inauthentic.

Authentic conversations require candor, deep listening, allowing for feelings and, most importantly, curiosity.  

Start with deep curiosity and a willingness to learn as much as you can from the process and the review itself. If you come to the event as a learner you’ll get much more from the process. Chances are your teammate will be open to learning as well. Second, welcome authentic feelings (anger, fear, sadness, joy) as part of the process. Welcome yours and theirs.  Feelings are part of being human; they are always in the workplace and in performance reviews, so go ahead and acknowledge them. Finally, be direct. Say everything you have to say. Reveal, don’t conceal. And, while you’re doing that, listen deeply. Listen at least as much as you talk.

With these three practices in place, performance reviews can shift from being something we endure to something that greatly improves individuals, teams and cultures.

 

Portrait of Coach + Founder Jim Dethmer

Jim Dethmer

Co-Founder and Coach

More

  • Content vs. Context
    For more information on the value of paying attention to context as much as content check out this video.

Additional Blog Posts

The Value of an Outside Facilitator for Gaining Practice and Mastery of Conscious Leadership

Are You Willing to Eat Your Own Projections?

Living in Your Genius: The First Question You Need to Ask

It begins with you.

Whether you’re here to lead with less drama, get better results, or stop repeating the same patterns – you’re in the right place. Start here:

Read the Book

The 15 Commitments of Conscious Leadership is where it all begins. You’ll never see leadership – or yourself – the same way again.

Explore Resources

Access our library of free practices, videos, meditations, and more. Get a feel for the work, and discover what resonates.

Get in the Room

These powerful experiences are open now, no sales call required. Check out what’s available and claim your seat before it’s gone.

Loading...

Susan Flynn

Verdant Hollow Farms, Owner

“Forum has really opened me up personally to a more fuller experience of myself... I've seen myself step back and let things unfold more naturally, and, as a result, I feel like the relationships and my connection to organizations, family members, or projects that I'm creating have been more clear and less laden with all sorts of other emotional baggage. Everything feels a little lighter and cleaner, a little more nimble in my life than it has in the past. That's been a great shift for me.”

Rodney Harl

Alene Candles, CEO

“Conscious leadership is the idea of taking exactly 100 percent responsibility—not more not less—for your role in your work, your home, your life. People get into drama situations when they take on more than 100 percent rather than asking others to accept their own responsibility. But it’s also about giving appreciation and accepting it too. That has more impact on employee satisfaction than spot awards and things like that.”

Kim Redding

Retired Chief Investment Strategist

“The first time I went to a Conscious Leadership Group forum, I thought, 'Four hours? Boy, what are we gonna talk about for four hours?' But, for my personality type in particular, I need time to really sink into things and be forced to stay with something. It's like family because you share the good, and the bad, and the ugly. I love how it draws me to go deep into issues that I may not want to, with people that I really trust and love. If you really want to get in the rollercoaster of looking at life, and your relationship, and consciousness, this is the single best way to do it. It's totally exhilarating, and it's scary. Everything is there, and if you're serious about going to the next level, I don't see how you do it without doing a forum.”

Jim Barnette

Glint, CEO & Co-Founder

“The 15 Commitments of Conscious Leadership is an inspirational masterpiece and a brilliant roadmap for leadership in the 21st century. Embracing conscious leadership and the 15 Commitments at my companies and in my life has led to both phenomenal success and deep personal joy.”

Lisa Murphy

City of Santa Cruz, Human Resources Director

“Finding Conscious Leadership Group was like finding a treasure. For me, the Enneagram Test has been the most transformative piece. That self-reflection of what it is that drives me and motivates me and what holds me back. If you're a leader and you don't understand those features about yourself, you just won't be successful. What I've learned has made me a better leader to my staff.”

Rosa Scarcelli

Stanford Management, President & Owner

“Jim Fallon is one of the most thoughtful, feeling-ful, and insightful people I know. His ability to use his own profound transformation, his deep curiosity and drive to learn and grow is a gift that is hard to quantify. If you are fortunate enough to work with him, I know you will find it invaluable. I am certain it will start you on your own path to greater self-awareness. His training as an analytical thinker has served him well as it has integrated with his expansion into the realms of feeling and tuning into the wisdom of the body. The trifecta of the heart, the head and the hand are life transforming. He will guide your growth and expansion.”

Eric Langshur

AVIA, Co-Founder & CEO Abundant Venture Partners and Life XT, Co-Founder

“One of our overarching and guiding principles here and vision is that we were trying to create a place where people could come to work and live in their genius and contribute. We see CLG as the core ingredients for helping us manifest that.”

Ron Rubin

Bridgewater Wealth, CEO

“The Conscious Leadership Group and the 15 Commitments of Conscious Leadership not only changed how we do business at Bridgewater Wealth, but they have changed my life personally. The company I founded in 1996 has been infused with new life, the culture is awake and aware, communication is crystal clear, and clients notice the difference. I’m so committed to conscious leadership now that I’m introducing the book and whole model to other CEOs in the finance industry.”

Jason Hsu

Rayliant, Chairman & CIO Research Affiliates, Global Advisor & Vice Chairman

“We thought we were just going to bring someone who was a management consultant, get a diagnostic on who's wrong, who's right and be done with that. It's been certainly far, far, far from that. It's been a fantastic journey.”

Justin Rosenstein

Asana, Co-Founder

“At Asana, we believe that conscious leadership training is so important we give every single employee the opportunity to go through a 2-day CLG Conscious Leadership training, and many report profound changes to how they work. Because of conscious leadership, our communication is clearer and more authentic, and Asana as a company is more effective in succeeding in its mission.”

Peter Parthenis

Grecian Delight, CEO

“It was difficult at first, to get people to understand and to get people committed behind this work and to practice it; but I can tell you, with one hundred percent certainty, that my ability and my team's ability to connect with each other is at a whole different level than what it was before. We can establish trust immediately. It's made a tremendous impact around being able to get things done as an organization, be aligned and being a higher performing team.”

Joe Greenstein

InnerSpace, Co-Founder

“During the persona party at our Conscious Leadership Group retreat I experienced a profound shift; it turned the hardest thing I've ever dealt with in my adult life into an incredible learning opportunity. I now know I can choose to look at every situation in life as an opportunity rather than a struggle...[In general] I think of Forum as fun. I see it on my calendar and I look forward to it.”

Sierra is the coach for you if...

Portrait of Joyce Chen

Joyce Chen

Managing Partner + Coach

Joyce is the coach for you if...

Kate is the coach for you if...

Michael is the coach for you if...

Jonathan is the coach for you if...

Portrait of Jim Fallon

Jim Fallon

Managing Partner + Coach

Jim is the coach for you if...

Casandra Wilson

CFO + Board Member , Company

Andrew Lee

CEO, Company

“Conscious Leadership Foundations fundamentally changed the way I show up as a leader. The program didn’t just give me tools — it helped me understand myself, my impact on others, and how to lead with clarity and intention. I’ve seen a noticeable shift in my team’s engagement, communication, and trust since applying what I learned. This work goes far beyond traditional leadership training; it’s practical, deeply human, and incredibly powerful. I recommend Conscious Leadership Foundations to any leader who wants sustainable growth — personally and professionally.”

Jessica Thompson

Co-Founder + Coach, Company

Unlock More Conscious Leadership Resources

Get full access to all our tools and practices designed to support you lead with clarity, courage, and connection.

FORM GOES HERE

We’ll only send resources that support your growth. No spam, ever. By continuing, you agree to our [Terms of Service], [Privacy Policy], and [Community Guidelines]. You may unsubscribe from emails at any time.

Justin Rosenstein

"Joining the Conscious Leadership Forum was like upgrading from black-and-white to full color. As a CEO, I’m used to high-pressure environments and decision fatigue—but the Forum gave me space to slow down, re-center, and connect with other leaders doing the inner work. It wasn’t just professional development—it was personal transformation. I left each session with more clarity, presence, and the kind of energy that ripples through my entire organization."

Joyce Chen

Managing Partner + Active Coach

Joyce is the coach for you if...