A CEO I once worked with—let’s call him Mark—considered himself self-aware. He had spent years developing his leadership skills, meditating daily, and practicing mindfulness. He prided himself on staying calm under pressure.
But one day, after a difficult meeting, he found himself unusually irritated. A team member had pushed back on a strategic decision, and though he had nodded and responded diplomatically, something inside him had tightened. Hours later, that tension still lingered. He was replaying the conversation in his head, subtly justifying why he was right.
Mark hadn’t lost his temper. He hadn’t visibly reacted. But something in him had shifted.
This is the kind of subtle reactivity that most leaders miss—the small, unnoticed ways we slip into fear, defensiveness, or control. These shifts may not result in obvious outbursts, but they still shape our leadership. They subtly erode trust, limit creativity, and create distance between ourselves and others.
The difference between reactive leadership and conscious leadership isn’t about never going below the line. It’s about noticing when we do—and shifting back with awareness and ease.
So, how do we catch these subtle patterns before they take hold?
Step 1: Recognizing Your Patterns of Reactivity
The first question conscious leaders ask themselves is simple:
“Where am I?”
Locating yourself as either above or below the line is the first step in becoming awake and aware. We begin working with leaders by asking them to answer this question—not with analysis or justification, but with a simple response: above or below?
Once they answer, we introduce them to the Locating Yourself Tool and ask:
“How do you know?”
What do you notice in your thoughts, behaviors, and beliefs that indicate whether you’re above or below the line? Are you open, curious, and leading from trust? Or are you defensive, controlling, and reacting from fear?
This practice of self-location builds self-awareness over time. What you begin to notice is that your reactivity follows certain patterns. Learning those patterns is the first step toward changing them.
The Progression of Awareness
Through years of experience—both personally and with leaders I’ve coached—I’ve observed a clear progression in awareness.
Most of us easily recognize when we’re far below the line, at -7 to -10 on a reactivity scale. This is when emotions are intense, and reactions are obvious: anger, frustration, blame, or complete shutdown.
With practice, we become more skilled at noticing moderate reactivity, in the -4 to -7 range. This might show up as passive resistance, low-level stress, or subtle defensiveness.
Eventually, with deeper awareness, we begin to catch subtle reactivity—the quiet internal shifts at -1 to -3. A slight tightening in the chest. A fleeting urge to justify ourselves. A moment of irritation that goes unnoticed.
This is where even more transformation happens. The earlier we catch reactivity, the more easily we can shift back into presence.
Beginning Awareness: Noticing Strong Reactive Patterns
In the first few years of this work, many leaders focus on recognizing obvious reactivity. They learn to name, accept, and shift patterns like:
- Blaming and complaining—criticizing others, circumstances, or themselves.
- Righteous anger—insisting they’re right and others are wrong.
- Self-judgment—beating themselves up for making mistakes.
At first, these patterns may go unnoticed until they reach -7 to -10 on the scale—when frustration boils over in a meeting, when they find themselves knee-deep in the same old argument, or when they catch their inner critic in full attack mode.
No problem. Just do your work.
As they practice, they begin to recognize these patterns sooner. Instead of noticing reactivity after an outburst, they start catching it earlier—when irritation is just beginning to build, when blame is still a whisper when frustration is still just a tension in the jaw.
Over time, as awareness deepens, leaders begin to notice something fascinating:
There is less reactivity to the triggers that are used to light them up.
Situations that once sent them spiraling—an unmet expectation, a critical email, a disagreement in a meeting—no longer pull them as strongly. Instead, they remain present. They see the old pattern coming but stay open as it arrives.
At this stage, leadership shifts from reacting to life to responding with awareness.
This is the beginning of mastery.
Step 2: Learning the Language of Your Body
The Body Knows First
When we go below the line, the body is the first to react. Before we even realize what’s happening, the body has already constricted, braced, and prepared for self-protection.
- Our breath becomes shallow.
- Our shoulders tighten.
- Our jaw clenches.
- Our stomach knots.
We usually don’t notice these shifts until we’re fully reactive—arguing with a spouse, withdrawing from a conversation, or justifying a decision out of fear rather than clarity.
But long before we hit -7 or -10, we were already at -1 or -2. The body knew.
If we could replay the tape, we would see that reactivity didn’t start with the argument, the frustration, or the withdrawal. It started with a subtle shift in the body—one we didn’t notice in time.
The Body as the Dojo
So, in order to catch reactivity earlier—much earlier—the body becomes the dojo.
It becomes the training ground, the healing ground, the path back to full presence.
Put simply: You can only be as present as your body allows you to be.
And most of us inhabit bodies that don’t feel safe enough to be fully present with life.
Years ago, I heard a thought that has slowly and meaningfully unpacked itself in my life:
“The body is the first line of awareness in the world.”
Before we had words, before we had thoughts, before we had the ability to name our experiences, we lived entirely in the body.
When we enter the world, our first way of interacting with life is purely somatic. We don’t interpret, analyze, or judge—we simply experience. We feel the warmth of a caregiver’s arms, the rhythmic vibration of a mother’s voice, the sensation of being swaddled and held.
We also experience discomfort: the coldness of air on our skin, the jolt of a loud noise, the ache of hunger.
And without thinking, we respond.
The body moves toward pleasure and away from pain. It does this long before the mind knows how to make sense of it.
As we grow, the body continues this process—contracting and constricting in response to pain, expanding and softening in response to safety. This is how we develop deep, subconscious patterns of self-protection.
These patterns are stored not in the mind, but in the body. They are not conscious choices. They are survival strategies.
And while they serve us well in keeping us alive, they are not designed for thriving.
Thriving—experiencing peace, equanimity, and deep presence—requires a different kind of relationship with the body. It requires learning its language.
Practices for Reconnecting with the Body
If you feel called to learn the language of the body, I recommend a few simple practices:
1. Daily Body Check-Ins
Pause and bring your attention to your body. Notice what sensations are present. Do a slow scan from head to toe, front to back.
Label what you feel using simple words:
- Warm, cool, heavy, light, tense, tingly, numb
Pay special attention to numb areas—places where you can’t feel anything at all. These are areas where the body has locked up to protect itself.
2. Find a Place of Safety
Bring awareness to a part of your body that feels safe and settled—perhaps your hands, your feet, or your breath.
Rest your attention there for a few breaths.
Once you’ve developed the capacity to stay with this feeling, you can move to the next step.
3. Sit with Tension Instead of Fixing It
Move your attention to an area of tension. Instead of trying to relax it or make it go away, simply sit with it.
Observe it with kind curiosity.
Often, this simple act of being with a sensation—without needing to change it—starts to soften its grip.
This is the work of healing.
Deepening Somatic Awareness
For those who want to go even deeper, there are powerful modalities that help unwind deep somatic patterns:
- Somatic Experiencing therapy—resolving stored patterns of stress and trauma.
- The Realization Process by Judith Blackstone—deep body-based awareness work.
- Feldenkrais Method—retraining the nervous system to release chronic tension.
Each of these approaches honors a simple but radical truth:
Your body is your first line of awareness.
When you learn to listen to it, reactivity no longer controls you.
Instead, the body becomes what it was always meant to be:
A doorway back to presence.
Step 3: Increasing Your Capacity for Flow
Another way to become more aware of your subtle reactivity patterns—the -1 to -3 range—is by expanding your capacity for flow.
Flow is another word for total presence. It includes both:
- Concentrative Flow—a state of deep absorption in an activity. Time, space, and a sense of self seem to drop away. Painting, playing music, coding, or cooking can all induce concentrative flow. You are doing something, but in flow, you experience the doing being done through you.
- Non-Concentrative Flow—a state of presence that doesn’t require intense focus. This can happen while watching a sunset, washing dishes, witnessing the birth of a child, or sitting in stillness. It is flow from being, not only from doing.
Just as below-the-line reactivity ranges from -1 to -10, above-the-line presence ranges from +1 to +10. The more we practice shifting into higher states of flow, the easier it becomes to recognize even small dips below the line.
For example, if you are accustomed to vibrating at +8, even a slight shift to -2 will feel obvious. But if you normally hover around +2, it may take a drop to -8 for you to recognize you’ve gone below the line.
One of the most effective ways to expand your flow state is by living a life of appreciation. When we move through life with a sense of gratitude—giving our attention to what is good and beautiful—we quickly notice when we slip into entitlement, blame, criticism, or complaint.
Appreciation has an energy to it. The more we marinate in this energy, the more obvious it becomes when we drift out of it, even slightly.
Expanding Your Capacity for Presence
There are many ways to increase your capacity for presence and flow, including:
- Living from whole-body YESSES—saying yes to what deeply aligns.
- Operating in your zone of genius—doing work that feels natural and fulfilling.
- Cultivating a life of play—engaging in joy and spontaneity.
- Deepening intimacy in relationships—practicing real connection.
Some leaders also explore psychedelically assisted therapy, which, in some cases, provides a profound glimpse into what is possible in terms of flow, presence, and wholeness. These experiences can imprint new ways of being and even shift our baseline for presence.
Any way you do it, expanding your capacity for aliveness will help you catch subtle shifts into reactivity before they take hold.
Final Thoughts: The Art of Conscious Leadership
The journey of conscious leadership isn’t about eliminating reactivity. It’s about noticing it earlier and responding with awareness.
By practicing self-location, deepening body awareness, and expanding flow, leaders:
- Go below the line less often.
- Stay there for shorter periods.
- Experience less intensity when they do.
And over time, the contrast between presence and reactivity becomes so clear that shifting back into presence feels natural, even effortless.
The more we fine-tune our awareness, the more leadership becomes an art of presence.
