Lately, a number of my clients have expressed a desire to explore their purpose. Like many of you, they’ve done the work to meaningfully reduce drama in their lives. That work frees up creative energy— and now the question arises, “What do I do with all this extra energy?” This is a common waypoint on the journey to waking up and becoming a fully alive leader.
What is purpose?
Purpose becomes life’s true north. It not only answers the why—it also informs the what. Once I’m clear on my purpose, it shapes what I do today, this week, this year, this lifetime. A question I return to over and over is: “Am I on purpose?” Or even more potent, “Am I on purpose at this moment?” When I don’t know my purpose, it’s like I’m driving through fog at night with no headlights. I’m lost. And a typical solution? Press harder on the gas. That’s when I lose myself even more.
How to find your purpose
Purpose can be discovered—or declared.
- Discovery comes from deep listening. It asks for stillness, openness to something greater than yourself, and a willingness to surrender.
- Declaration is an act of radical responsibility. It’s the creator inside you saying, “This is what I choose to be about.”
Most people begin by declaring their purpose. Then, over time, many begin to discover a purpose even greater than anything they could have imagined or declared.
This is the movement from “By Me” purpose to “Through Me” purpose.
Purpose in To Me vs. By Me
Before we get to that, we must start by doing the work to move meaningfully out of “To Me.” In “To Me,” life is happening to me. I’m at the effect of people, circumstances, and conditions. Whether I’ve articulated it or not, my purpose is survival—sometimes literal, but more often egoic. In “To Me” I still believe that there is something “out there” that is going to make me okay “in here.” My purpose is to be okay and I need to get “that” to be okay. My purpose is to get a job, a partner, a house, health, financial security, safety and so on.
When I realize that true okayness is an inside job, I shift from victim consciousness to creator consciousness. I stop investing all my energy in trying to manipulate the world to feel safe. Instead, I start creating—from the inside out. I step into “By Me” purpose.
How to declare your purpose
One of my favorite frameworks for declaring purpose comes from Brad Blanton’s book Practicing Radical Honesty. It invites three questions:
- What are your essence qualities? Who are you?
- What are your unique capabilities? What do you love to do?
- What world do you want to create?
Then list your unique capabilities—things you love doing, that energize you, that light up the room.
And finally, ask, “What do I want the world to be like?” This is both your world and the world.
Then combine those three ingredients into this sentence:
“The purpose of my life is to use my [essence qualities] by [unique capabilities] to bring about a world where [your vision of the world]”
My Purpose
I’ve done this activity many times over the decades. It has remained directionally the same; I have refined and clarified it, but not reinvented it. Here’s the version I’ve carried for over a decade:
The purpose of my life is to use my
- presence
- love
- clarity
- wisdom
- creative expression
by
- discovering principles of transformation
- doing spiritual practice
- holding space for others from beingness
- inspiring others to know the truth of who they are
- teaching life principles
to bring about a world where
- people realize the truth of who they are and move that truth to easefully create the reality they most want
With this purpose, I declare what my life is about. What I’m here for. Where I want to invest my creative energy while I’m still on the planet.
And I can ask—daily, moment by moment—“Am I on purpose?”
If the answer is yes, then I’m aligned and in integrity.
If the answer is no, I have a choice: Change what I’m doing, or revisit my purpose.
When I’m off purpose, I leak energy. I lose clarity. I diminish my potency.
With my purpose declared publicly, my friends and allies can ask me about it too.
What about hobbies?
People often ask, “Does every action need to align with your purpose? What about things like pickleball, something I’m passionate about?”
Great question. Here’s how I answer it:
First, I see daily activities as part of either:
- Rest, restore, replenish
- The “stuff of life”
Pickleball is rest, restore, replenish. Driving, cooking, cleaning—those are the stuff of life. Personally, I like to minimize the “stuff of life” when I can, by delegating or choosing not to do it at all. I try to be conscious and intentional with both.
Second, there’s often an ever higher purpose available.
When I ask, “What is my life ultimately up to?”, I land on “to experience the truth of every now moment.” Another way of saying this is that I want to be present, unfiltered and undefended against reality. I want to see reality clearly which includes, necessitates, seeing through the illusion of a separate self.
If that’s my purpose, then I can be “on purpose” while playing pickleball—if I’m fully awake, fully present, using the moment as a path to remembering who I am.
How to discover your purpose
Purpose from “By Me” is a declaration. You, as creator, decide what you want your life to be about.
Purpose from “Through Me” is a discovery.
You shift from asking, “What do I want to do with my life?” to “What does life want to do with me?”
In my experience, one process is not better than another, but one usually precedes the other, like adolescence proceeds adulthood. Usually, conscious leaders move from “To Me” (victimhood) to “By Me” (creator). Once some level of mastery has been achieved at living a self-authored, empowered, creator life, leaders often ask, “Is there more?Is there something beyond what I want or what I think the world needs?”
“Through Me” says yes. You are not just a creator, you are a conduit or channel through which life is doing something.
Keys to discovering purpose
1. Decide if there is something bigger going on here.
“Through Me” rests on the experience (much more than a belief) that there is something there other than you and that something is up to something. People have referred to this something as god, spirit, love, universe, presence, awake awareness, fundamental consciousness and many other names. Something that has direction, intention, evolutionary unfolding, and possibly will.
Is there something other than just you—and is it up to something?I suggest to people that they explore this possibility if it interests them. I actually don’t have a firm belief, let alone a conviction or dogma about such a thing. And, I’ve been playing with this for many years and find the exploration quite amazing, even awe-inspiring.
2. Get more interested in what it is up to than what you want.
This is a subtle but powerful shift. If you have lived “at the effect of life” for some time, stepping into creator and declaring a purpose that aligns your energy is an amazing experience. Life-changing and life-giving. Choosing to suspend this act of creation to surrender to something else often feels both scary and exciting. It’s a step into the unknown and requires a deep sense of trust, of letting go, of falling back, taking your hands off the steering wheel. Once you know you can create, it can be intoxicating to keep creating. Getting more interested in what love wants and what it wants to create through you is a big shift. This is the mantra of “Not my will but thy will be done.”
3. Ask a different question.
In “By Me,” a leader asks “What do I want?” In “Through Me,” a leader asks “What does Life/Love/Spirit/God/The Universe want to do through me?” Asking this question changes the game.
4. Sit still and listen.
This might be the hardest part. Most leaders have a strong action bias. Their motto often is, “Don’t just sit there, do something.” The Through Me leader’s motto is, “Don’t just do something, sit there.” Sitting is a cultivated capacity for stillness, silence, and spaciousness, which can occur while literally sitting but can also be experienced while moving. Most leaders can’t tolerate this for more than a few minutes at the beginning of their journey to conscious leadership. But by practicing, one can develop both a capacity and a deep love for this practice.
5. Learn the language of the To me, purpose is the deepest why. It answers the question, “What is my life truly up to?”
Start with your essence qualities—who you’ve always been. These are the qualities that define you. They have been part of you all of your life. They’re so fundamental that you wouldn’t be recognizable without them.
In order to discover what love wants to do through you, what its purpose is for your life, you’ll need to learn the language in which it speaks to you. Love’s language can be different for different leaders. Sometimes it is words, pictures, or sensations. Sometimes it is intuitions or impulses. You’ll need to learn love’s language when it speaks to you.
Once you cultivate the capacity and devotion to being a conduit through which life flows, you’ll discover both a large sense of purpose and a playful dance in each now moment.
