Define: Candor
Revealing your full truth – the art of speaking the unarguable truth — openly, directly, and with care — to create deeper trust, connection, and aliveness.
Define: Withholding
“Withholding” is refraining from revealing everything
to all the relevant parties. By everything, we mean facts,
thoughts (including beliefs, opinions, and judgments),
feelings, and sensations.
Excerpt from the Book:
At any moment, individuals and leaders are either revealing or concealing. They are either becoming more transparent or more opaque. In our experience, leaders who reveal (facts, thoughts, feelings, and sensations) have a free flow of abundant energy for accomplishing their vision.
If we all speak candidly and don’t withhold facts, thoughts, feelings, or sensations, it greatly increases the probability that collectively we can see reality more accurately.
From Above the Line
By Me:
I commit to saying what is true for me. I commit to being a person to whom others can express themselves with candor.
From below the Line
To Me:
I commit to withholding my truth (facts, feelings, things I imagine) and speaking in a way that allows me to try to manipulate an outcome. I commit to not listening to the other person.
Practice It:
A key to the masterful practice of candor is learning to speak unarguably. Here’s how: practice completing these sentences throughout your day. Begin by simply saying them to yourself and then you can practice saying them out loud to others who are committed to practicing candor:
I’m having the thought that…
- We could do a better job with our recruiting effort.
- You’re not giving us your full attention.
- The game should have turned out differently.
- My daughter doesn’t respect me.
- I feel… [sad, angry, scared, joyful, or sexual]
The key to this practice is to answer only with feeling words. We recommend using the big five listed above.
I notice… [report a sensory experience in or on the body]
- Tingling in my right arm.
- Pressure in my shoulder.
- A pinching sensation in the front of my forehead.
- Heat rising up the center of my chest.
